As an adult I have had to learn to self-soothe. When my heart aches I reach for comfort, for the "ba, ba, ba..." available to me. I begin with the toughest part, forgiveness, which changes my heart...it is only there where we can forgive. This is not a brain action, this is all in the heart. I follow this forgiveness with compassion.
When someone has caused us pain we feel we have cause to be angry and to blame. This only makes the pain deeper, wider...longer. I stop myself there, however terrible the painful action has been. This is very difficult to do, I know. Yet, by making myself willing to forgive, understand and be compassionate I find comfort and healing in affection from loved ones, kindness of strangers, the love of friends... It is as if Spirit says ok, you're willing, I'll help. If the pain is collective, my willingness shows me the coming together of people in an effort to love one another to effect positive change. Loving action is contagious.
Forgiving does not excuse the harm done to us, but it does release us from the pain. Compassion reminds us that those who hurt us are hurting too. Compassion also reminds us that we, too, have hurt others. Compassion releases mercy.
When we are hurting we have a tendency to explain what happened. This can help us understand, but, many times, it make us justify and find fault. Feel the pain, forgive and release. When you forgive, the pain starts to heal. When you forgive, the pain of heartache goes away...clearing the way for you to participate in life more fully, allowing you to be of help to others, to be the "ba, ba, ba..." for those who are in pain.