Thursday, January 31, 2013

The gift of clarity

We walk around squinting in the dark, putting our hands out feeling to find anything we can grab that will keep us steady and safe...something that will help us out. This is the way many of us experience life, lost in the darkness. We hold on to anything or anyone to feel a sense of security, love and well-being.

The darkness we walk around in is doubt, insecurity, lack of guidance, lack of purpose, wrong ideas, disconnection from Self and others, pessimistic thoughts, judgment, jealousy, distrust, fear and anger. In this lightlessness, we grab on to wrong career paths, dysfunctional relationships, misplaced thoughts, numbing substances, apathetic behaviors and bad habits in order to find meaning, direction and a sense of belonging. We stay in a loop of negative thoughts that keep us in a rut of bad choices. 

On the other end there is clarity. Clarity is the ability to see clearly. We tune in to clarity like we tune in to intuition, in solitude. We open our minds and our hearts to the truth. The truth is that we were created on purpose, loved, lovable, loving, protected, inspired, peaceful, guided and whole-souled. When our vision is clouded, we don't see the perfection in which we were created. We don't see each other in truth.

I meditated early this morning asking for clarity and connection. Midway through the morning I received an unexpected call from a friend. We had a lunch date a couple of days ago and had not spoken since. We caught up on the happenings of the last two days and opened up about other issues in our lives. Suddenly, in the words and the voice of my friend I received the gift of clarity. I heard loud and clear a message I didn't get before. It was subtle and to the point. There was no coincidence here.

Clarity brings us truth, answers, guidance, the opportunity to be authentic and a sense of calm. It releases us from the bonds we create for ourselves by allowing us to see that it is within that we find our sense of security, love and well-being.

Be willing to release your negative thoughts, be openminded about the synchronicities in your life and cooperate with the Universe by not dismissing the messages your receive. As you can, remain still even if for only a few minutes each day. In a state of calm awareness you will receive the gift of clarity.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Get out of the way

You meditated, you connected, you prayed, you are ready to receive. Now, get out of the way.

You don't cause miracles, you allow them to happen. For the miracles to take place you have to get out of the way. You get out of the way by not trying to control the outcome, by not putting pressure on the process, by not doubting the "coincidences" you come across, by connecting to Spirit, by releasing grudges and blame and by forgiving.

The miracles I receive everyday are not the kind that part the seas or burn bushes. The miracles I experience open me up to you and others, lead me to truth and clarity, point me to the blessings in my life, keep me peaceful, joyful, creative, thankful, enthusiastic, resourceful and loving. To allow miracles to manifest themselves, I open my heart and mind, clear my thoughts of doubt, sit in silence and remember you and others kindly, letting go of any judgment. Once I am clear, I let go and let it happen.

Today is a good day to clear your mind, align your spirit and listen to your intuition. Now let it go. Stay out of the way. Your miracle will happen...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Can you keep a secret?

A secret is something unrevealed to others. I keep secrets. I keep all secrets that are not mine. I keep some that are my own. You should keep secrets too.

The secrets you should keep, aside from those confided to you, are those that have to do with what you passionately wish for–your dreams, your goals, your intentions, your passionate purpose. In social psychology, repeated tests have proven that telling someone your goals makes you less likely to achieve them. When you tell others about your goal and they acknowledge it, your mind plays a trick on you. It's called Social Reality–in which you receive enough satisfaction to relax about it. In other words, your silly mind mistakes the talking for the doing and you don't work as hard to manifest your wish. 

More importantly, you should keep your dreams a secret because when you tell others what your intention is you have to defend your goal–the why, the how. You will find yourself explaining yourself and defending yourself. When you defend your goal you do so from your fragile ego. This will divert your attention from manifesting your passion to tending to your false image. This diversion interrupts the flow of energy and the synchronicity of people, messages and events that can only emerge from your Spirit within, not from your ego. 

Today is a good day to walk around with a smile on your face...confident in the manifestation of what you wish for. It's ok to keep it a secret. 

Monday, January 28, 2013

Don't confuse my niceness...

I sat there and I took it–a lashing, a very eloquent and disguised critical view of who I am as a writer. I very nicely thanked this person for his point of view, smiled and let it go. Well, it took a few days, but I did let it go. Every time I see this person, he fluctuates from complimenting me to negatively criticizing me. A few people who have witnessed two of these awkward encounters feel the tension. They also wonder why I am not angry, why I haven't given him in return the tongue-lashing he deserves. I'll tell you why.

Love conquers all. I believe this wholeheartedly. I return love for hate, impatience, lying, arrogance, disrespect, fear and criticism. Don't confuse my niceness, though. This does make me a victim or allow others to abuse me. On the contrary. I bring it. I bring the love. This is my conscious choice. With self-respect, self-love and assertiveness I bless this person and withdraw myself from their negativity and hatred. Sometimes it is just from a situation, other times it is from a relationship entirely. I send a clear message that I love myself too much to put up with their behavior. I will not take anything but love. 

What confuses people is that we are used to reacting to others with the same energy in which they are acting. This just perpetuates the hate. When I react out of emotion, defending my ego, I draw myself into a negative energy field. I pout, I get grumpy, I suffer over the other person's actions and my reaction to them. Releasing with love frees me to enjoy life. Miraculously, what others may think about me does not bother me and what this person thinks, says or does...well, I don't care. 

I can love or I can hate. I can't do both. And so, every now and then, I politely, gently and lovingly send people on their way. 

Saturday, January 26, 2013

A time to be single...

One of the biggest questions I get as a soulcerer is how do I deal with being single? Most times I am surprised by who is asking the question. I get the question from intelligent and beautiful people. People who are not supposed to be single according to our society. Of course, I am learning to look beyond the egoic appearance. Looking at the spirit of the person asking, I am still surprised that they are single. I see inner beauty, innocence and potential.

I also see desperation, fear and confusion. It is the energy they are giving off. If I can feel their desperation, their fear and their confusion, so can others. Yet, there's no need to feel desperate. This is their time to be single, to make themselves ready. If they only knew.

This is the time to process the lessons from past relationships, learning from them and then letting go. This is a time for self-discovery and to figure out how they relate to others in a relationship.

If you have been single for a while, meditate on the lessons you have not learned, what you have not accepted, what you have not moved on from. Are you too critical, reactive, insecure, needy, demanding, controlling, selfish, passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive? Do you have fear of intimacy? Do you blame the other excluding yourself from responsibility?

If you are single, today is a good day to take your time to be single. Become that which you want. Be ready. Embody love. Be love. Be healed. Be pleasant. Be kind. Love attracts love. You attract what you are.

There is a time to be single. Love will come when you are ready. Any sooner and you will blow it. But once you are ready, love will flow...

Friday, January 25, 2013

Looking at each other...

We don't look at each other. I mean we don't really look at each other. We tend to look at others out of necessity, looking for something answer, a look, a confirmation. Yet, we don't look at each other just to see what is there, to know what is there. This is about looking from a witnesses point of view in which there's no judgment, just which there's no what's in it for me.

An inspiring life is about looking at things with an eye of wonder. When you slow down and pay attention to what you are looking at, you not only discover newness in the thing or the one you are looking at–you learn about yourself. As you start to notice, patterns about the way you see others and the world around you become evident. You may surprise yourself when you become aware of how you think about certain things and certain people. Looking, then, becomes an opening into self-discovery.

Today is a good day to look at the world around you with fresh eyes. Really look at something and study it–how does it move?, what does it resemble?, does it appeal to you? what does it remind you of? does it inspire you?...Now turn around, look at someone you love...really look at them, see what's there, know what's there...

Thursday, January 24, 2013


If you are unhappy, you are not alone. I hope you know that. There's nothing wrong with you. You are just unaware.

Many people believe that the source of their unhappiness are the circumstances of their life–but they are wrong. The source of their unhappiness is a result of their identification with their personal stories. The self-identification with what has happened in the past, what we own, what we like, what we fear and what we want separates us from others. It is this perceived separation from others that keeps us selfish and always seeking something to make us feel more complete. Unhappy people compare themselves constantly (am I superior or inferior?), victimize themselves, complain, react, find conflict, feel guilty about choices made or act in ways that mask their sense of guilt.

To key to moving from being unhappy to being happy is awareness. When you are aware of yourself, you are self-secure and do not find the need to compare yourself to others. When you are aware of others, you recognize yourself in them and don't blame them or find fault with them for the circumstances in your life. When you are aware of the present moment, you release the past and your story and sense of victimization. Awareness transforms and frees us from our weak, miserly and insecure egos and delivers us to the present where we offer the very best of us.

Today is a good day to let go of your story and become aware of who you are...this moment. You have a choice. Choose to be happy right here, right now.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


Resilience is the ability to deal with life's difficulties, adversity, illness, tragedy, financial stress, relationship issues, job loss and other challenges.

Successful people have a high resilience factor. They are considered resilient because when they fall, as we all do, they get up. Resilient people bounce back by using their skills and strengths. They see difficulties as teachers and opportunities for personal change and growth. They are also aware of who they are, realize that setbacks are part of life, do not blame others for what happens to them, have a strong net of people they can count on, ask for help, have empathy, have a good sense of humor and have a calm and focused mind.

Resilience requires us to be flexible, bending and yielding in order not to break. It does not eliminate problems, but it becomes the force that helps us overcome them and move on. We cultivate resilience in loving and supportive relationships–with friends, lovers and family, by practicing yoga and meditation and by going within to anchor ourselves to Spirit. We remain open, flexible and willing.

Today is a good day to adapt to new and changing circumstances by strengthening our awareness, practicing our centeredness and understanding that life comes with troubles. How we deal with them is what makes the difference between suffering and transcending.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Shiny Happy People...

Fairies don't sprinkle happy dust on some of people making them happy. Happy people are happy because they choose to be happy. They are thankful, choosing to be grateful for every circumstance in their lives and expressing their gratitude–to Spirit and to others. Happy people are optimistic, aware of who they are and self-secure, kind, purposeful, social and resilient. They also forgive, experience and enjoy the present moment and are physically active–exercising and being proactive in their health. Happy people are spiritual too. They have a strong sense of self rooted in a spiritual source and see themselves connected to everyone and everything. 

Today is a good day to be happy...start by playing this video. You can't help but sing to this R.E.M. tune. Live this moment by singing out this moment by choosing to be happy.

Monday, January 21, 2013

What haunts us...

In the middle of the day, I feel a momentary nudge in my chest. I try to feel it again to see what the nudge is all about, but, like a ghost, it is gone. It does haunt me every now and then. Consciously, I ignore it. In my heart, though, I know what it is. It is what haunts us.

What haunts us manifests itself differently in everyone. Nightmares, sleeping difficulties, addictions, compulsions, illness, obsessions, inability to focus and negative karmic effects are among the many ways ghosts have a way of showing up in our lives.

What haunts us? The mistakes we have made, our regrets, the missed opportunities, our concern for what others think of us, the damage we have done, what we ignore, what we neglect, the pain we have caused, the secrets we keep, what we have not forgiven and our lack of compassion. What haunts us will continue to haunt us until we forgive...and until we atone.

Atoning is not merely apologizing for something we have done, it is committing to not making the same choice again. Atonement requires that we make amends, when possible. In atonement, we ask for transformation of whatever it is within us that caused us to behave in such a way. In atonement, we release the ghosts that shadow us.

Today is a good day to start the atonement process. Take a moment of quiet contemplation and say I'm sorry. Start by forgiving yourself and then pray for those you have hurt.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

The gift of solitude

Being in solitude is consciously choosing to be alone for a period of time. In solitude we connect deeply to ourselves in order to connect with others. Solitary communion with ourselves prepares us to relate with others. 

In solitude we learn what we think, how we feel, what we need, what we are good at, what we can offer, what we want, what we wish for, what we dream, what we like, what we fear, what we love. In solitude we understand ourselves, we become self-aware. 

Solitude is not the same as being lonely. In solitude we choose to be alone and we find God's companionship and friendship. We learn that we are never alone. In these quiet moments we rest our ego, we listen and we hear. In solitude we reconnect, find guidance and clarity and strengthen our soul. 

As we practice solitude we find comfort in it, we seek it, we go to it and we enjoy it. We nurture ourselves in solitude. 

Today is a good day to spend a few moments in be quiet and so recharge our spirits and receive the answers we are looking for. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

We were not born to be entertained

We are so used to instant and cheap stimulation that we seem to be bored all the time...and we are. I look around and see the frustration in people's faces in traffic, at the mall, at the bank, eating in a restaurant, waiting for kids to come out of school...almost everywhere I go. I also see people frustrated at work. Some even complain about work being boring. I wonder what they bring to work in the first place...what expectations they have and what kind of attitude they offer.

We came to participate, not to be entertained. We must do our part. We are bored because we have disconnected from our passionate selves. There's a part within us that is full of potential, special abilities, joy, passion and love. When connected to this part of ourselves, our Highest Self, we cannot be bored. We bring with us what we want to find everywhere we go. It is in this part of ourselves that we keep what we want alive, where we store our deepest dreams. When we are disconnected from this part of ourselves, we look for distractions and diversion. It is a way of avoiding our lackluster lives. And when we can't find enough entertainment or distraction out there we become frustrated and numb.

Today is a good day to meditate on your wishes and dreams. Get excited about something and bring that excitement with you everywhere you go. This energy is contagious. Not everything in your life will be exciting, but life changes when you change. You will find that this world is not such a boring place after all.

Friday, January 18, 2013

When routines become rituals

Rituals are actions performed consistently. The word itself is associated with religion or spiritual practices. Our routines are actions we perform consistently and many times they do become our sacred rituals even if they have nothing to do with religion.

The small daily gestures that we repeat after understanding, even if just a little bit, who we are, where we are and where we want to go often follow a stream of consciousness. It is in these routines that we are thankful. Or it is in these routines that we escape the mental chatter and subconsciously ask for something. We do them with love...or as a request for love.

When life gets hectic and confusing, routines have a way grounding us to what we know. In routines, in our rituals, we become quiet and pensive. These are moments of meditation. Even the simplest act can become our ritual. After every shower I lather lotion on my skin. As I go over scars I remember how I got them, I reflect on what I have overcome, I am thankful for the renewal. Another ritual I perform each day is to smell the perfume on my wrists throughout the day. I think of my femininity. I come into the present moment. I honor my womanhood. My son has his routines too. He takes a bath when he is really tired. He meditates in hot water. It is his ritual. I have a friend who organizes her space when she gets too busy. She stops everything to perform this ritual. It is her way of reconnecting. Other people walk after dinner, read the paper before anyone else in the house wakes up, do the dishes with Donna Summer in the background or go for a drive when they need to make a decision.

Routines bring us closer to who we want to be. They are our point of reference. They reconnect us to our Source if we choose to do them in a meditative state of mind. Today is a good day to make any routine your meditation practice, to make it your sacred ritual.

© Millicent Maldonado and, 2012-2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. All rights reserved.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The great equalizer is the one thing we are all given in equal measure. It does not discriminate. Rich and poor, black and yellow, lovers of women and men, Buddhist and Protestant, Albenian and Norwegian-we are all granted the same amount of time each day. Time is our great equalizer.

We say we have no time, but we do. What we choose to do in it is up to us. Consciously choosing how we fill our days makes a difference in how we feel about time. We can be frantic or calm, overwhelmed or not. When we slow our pace and ask for guidance, we find perfect timing for everything. When we ask for direction, our priorities align. Spirit leads us to the right time and place.

Let's befriend time. In it, let's give up our sense of urgency, pacing ourselves joyfully. Let's be grateful for the time we have today. Let's use our time wisely. Let's give up trying to control time and let's just flow in its rhythm.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Angry at the world

I was wrong. I parked my car blocking the garage of the house next door. I parked it there believing no one was living in the house. It has a big FOR SALE sign on the front gate and another one on an upstairs window. The realtor gave me the idea. He was showing the house a few days ago and said that I could park there for now while the house was vacant. So I did. In this part of town, the streets are a jungle and cars are monkeys looking for a spot to hold on to.

 My sister was on her way to meet with me for lunch. I had her on the phone as I look out the door and see that the spot right in front of my car is open. I jump for joy and decide to move my car forward to reserve her a parking spot. Then, out of the blue, a hand violently slams down on my passenger side window and an angry woman throws herself in my direction. I lock the car and stare. I cannot believe what's happening.

I finally came out of the car to the screaming and the cursing from this neighbor. I let her have her moment. Her rage was astronomical. If I had attempted to defend myself, she would have physically hurt me, I'm sure. Surely this can't have anything to do with me, I think.

It turns out that in her eyes this had everything to do with me. The house next door is not really vacant. Now I know. How dare you park there? Who do you think you are? What you have done to me is unforgiveable! Screaming at me, though, didn't solve her problem. Not listening kept her unaware of the truth of things. If she had given me an opportunity to explain, she may have not been that angry. I was in the wrong. I wanted to tell her that and apologize, but she fumed and then stormed away, drinking poison in my name.

I did go up to her later. A courage that's better than me came over me. You are right...and I am sorry. She forgave me even offering the parking spot if I ask for her permission. She probably felt silly too. The level of her anger was in disproportion to my mistake. She probably is angry at the world and this really has nothing to do with me...

How many times do we play the angry role? Today's a good day to see things from a different point of view. Remember that we all make decisions with the information we have at the time and with our individual capacity to think and understand. Today is a good day, too, to say You are right...and I am sorry. These seven words have the power to disarm and to relieve the anger in and at the world.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Accept what is...

It is what it is. When life is not what we want it to be, we want a change. Change begins with accepting what is, by accepting our reality as it is. The challenge is to stop resisting the truth of things. When we resist, we suffer...we get impatient, irritable and angry. We tend to resist anything that is unpleasant or hurtful, such as a bad situation at work, a difficult marriage, a tense friendship, a trait we don't like about ourselves, and so on.

Accepting what is is an active state of awareness in which we pay attention to our thoughts, our feelings and our actions. It is a constant choosing to act from our Higher-Selves rather than from ego. It is not giving in or giving up, but instead a more engaged way of living.

Once we see our reality for what it is and we feel what we feel for the truth, we move ourselves to understand how our current state of circumstances came to be, what role we play in it and how we created what is. We do this without judgments of good or bad. Once we accept and understand, we learn and then we can move to making a change.

Today is a good day to accept what is. Don't resist. It is what it is...but it won't be for long. You are on the path to clarity and a positive change because you accept what is...

Monday, January 14, 2013

The noise outside

I wanted to wake up at five o'clock this morning. I didn't have anywhere to be at early today, but I did want some quiet time to meditate...and breathe. It seems that breathing is easier when my mind is at rest and quiet. I woke up at seven instead. Although the house was quiet and my son was still sleeping, the world around me had woken up and was buzzing with noise and activity.

Landscapers are mowing lawns, trimming edges and blowing leaves outside of my neighbors' house. The sounds annoy me, clutter my mind and distract me. These sounds, though, are normal for our community. We have become used to loud machines around us, car horns honking, neighbors screaming after their dogs, house alarms going off, loud engines, loud music and more. We are numb to the noise pollution.

The problem is that the noise outside has become the noise within. The constant noise from tv and the internet, not necessarily the noise we can measure in decibels, but the noise that comes charged with opinions, judgments, news and pre-packaged thoughts, muddles our capacity to think. The noise outside, the noise within, interferes with our ability to listen to our intuition. The loud noises around us, within us, speed up our pace and our heartbeats making it harder to breathe.

As I sit here and sip my coffee, I enjoy what I can this morning–the beautiful morning sun, the flowers outside my window. Yet I admit that I am not fully here. My thoughts are interrupted by the hubbub. There will be no meditation and no yoga for me this morning. I write on my to-do list: Be quiet. I will find a time and a place to just sit for a few minutes and re-connect to the Spirit within. In stillness and silence I gain strength, calmness and peace of mind and I find harmony with the world around me. I can't change the noise outside, but I can do something about the noise within.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Tax season

I have started to receive end-of-the-year tax statements from the bank and the mortgage company. As I see the mailman coming, I start to get a little anxious. I know it's normal. Most people get anxiety when it's time to work on their taxes. Yet the anxiety I get is not from the money I may owe or the money that may be owed to me. My anxiety this tax season comes from facing my reality, having to face my past.

My life has changed so much this past year. I would rather stay in this moment, in the present. Having to go back makes me feel old pain. As I tally receipts, the dates on them flashback memories...some are good, some are lessons, some are forgotten already, but all of them bring me back and bring me down. I make the most of it. I try to do it positively. I want to move on. I realize that to move on, I have to face this.

As a writer, I rewrite stories all the time. On my own story, though, I face writer's block. It comes from the same anxiety preparing my tax return gives me...of having to revisit my past. Right now I am happy, healthy, relaxed, hopeful, thankful, faithful and joyful and I want to stay in this flow of energy.

I am taking time to rewrite last year. To identify the heroes in my story and rescue the villains...yes, rescue the villains from their egos...and rescue myself from my own ego. I will see the adventures and cringe over my bad choices from a detached point of view. In my story, I survive. In this story, there are five seasons–winter, spring, summer, fall and tax season. This tax season I will shed the bad memories, I will grow in strength and I will plant the experiences of this year to be a source of joy next tax season.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

I dare you to move...

Most of us have goals we have set for ourselves...dreams and intentions for our lives. We pray, we meditate, we wish and we think positively in order to stay in a vibrational match to our wishes...and then we wait...and then we wait some more.

We pray, we meditate, we wish, we think positively...we wait. We pray, we meditate, we think positively...we wait. We forget our due diligence. 

If we ask for a miracle, we will get it. Yet we can't pray, meditate and think happy thoughts and expect  our dreams to materialize or our issues to resolve themselves without action. Good intentions are not enough, we have to be willing to do our part. 

Today is a good day to release our concerns to Spirit and then stay aware and in tune for answers. We will receive direction. When we do, let's act on our own behalf in ways that keep us in harmony to what we want. Every small step taken in the direction of our goals will be rewarded. Every proactive move will synchronize with greater good. 

Now, I dare you to move...

Friday, January 11, 2013


I am going to bottom-line this one for you: it's useless. Regret is useless. Regret is a feeling, a sense of grief or loss which puts you in a dysfunctional frame of mind. I know because it is something I struggle with many times. I regret not kissing my grandmother as I walked down the aisle on my wedding day. I wanted to. She stood at the aisle-end of a church pew, teary-eyed, full of hope and pride for me and I wanted to stop and kiss her. She had chemotherapy the day before and being there was painful and uncomfortable. She would not have missed my wedding for anything. She died shortly after, but had asked first to be buried in the dress and wig she wore to my wedding. I regret not kissing her.

What do you regret? Can you do anything about it? Probably not. Regret keeps us in the past which we can't change and it only helps in this moment if we can make a better choice because of what something we regret taught us. We can't make a choice in the future until we get there, and so regret doesn't help us in the future either. Regret would only help this moment, but by occupying our thoughts with regret we zap the opportunity to fully live the present. Bottom line: regret is useless.

Today is a good day to stop the regrets. Make the best choice you can for your life today. You can regret very little when you make choices with the best intentions for all concerned and while remaining true to your heart as it is aligned with Spirit. Live your life in this moment. You don't want to regret the time that passes you by.

Thursday, January 10, 2013


At times in our lives, we have been betrayed, let down, lied to, stolen from, abandoned or failed by others. In such moments our hearts twinge in such pain that we don't realize that we are held. We fix ourselves on a way we want the pain to go away or the issue to be resolved that we fail to see the love that is around us. It is in these dark moments that the Universe stirs in our favor. Time passes and we realize that a higher good was in the works, that our loss was replaced by new friends, new opportunities, new situations, new loves, new ways of thinking and new ways of feeling. We realize that we were cared for, comforted and loved in unconventional ways and from surprising sources. 

Today is a good day to come to the realization that the pain of disappointment dissipates, not by magic, but by love. Open your heart to receive the comfort you crave right where you are. Spirit carries you, comforts you, heals you and, more importantly, makes up for the disappointment you suffered. Just wait and see...

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


There was a time when I was so heartbroken that listening to the radio became painful. Every song on the radio reminded me of a boyfriend who was no more. If one of the songs that was popular then came on the radio, I remembered exactly where we were, what we were doing and how we were no longer together. Tears would well up in my eyes and my heart would ache all over again, with increasing intensity. 

I just heard one of those songs on the radio...and I smiled. No longer hurting, I remembered my old boyfriend fondly. I also felt an immense sense of gratitude for I have survived heartbreak and I am a more compassionate, understanding and happy human because of it. 

When in the throws of such pain, we cannot see the end of it. The searing of our hearts seems permanent and the waiting for healing seems futile. We pray, we scream, we hurt...until we hurt no more. 

Our unfolding comes with a waiting. Our unfolding into the marvelous beings we are takes time and in that time we have lessons to learn. Our most important lessons can only be learned in relationship with others. Some will break our hearts, some will test our patience, some will make us kind, some will push us out of our cages of fear...but all will make us better people. 

Be patient in your unfolding. Don't rush it. Don't avoid it just because you're afraid of the pain. You will go through the same pain over and over again until you learn your lessons. You will survive and be better for it.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Release the grudge

You know that guy who cut you off in traffic this morning? The one you damned? The one who you were mad at as you made your way to the office? Yeah, him. He doesn't even know you're mad at him. Your whole morning has been tainted by your anger, but his day has not even been affected by your rage, not in the least bit.

Let it go. I know that letting it go now is easier because the moment has passed. What I am saying here is to let it go the moment it happens. I also know that letting go of the anger caused by a rude interaction with a stranger is easier than letting go of something someone you love does that hurts you–betrayal, deceit, injustice, insult. That is precisely the grudge I am asking you to release. Oh boy. It's tough, I know.

Releasing a grudge is a gradual process that starts with your willingness to forgive. It feels impossible to forgive some types of injuries such as rape, child molestation, infidelity and other atrocities. Yet releasing the grudge in these instances is precisely what will allow healing. We feel that if we let go of the anger and that if we forgive, we are condoning those heinous actions and that there are no consequences. Not so. What others do is between them and God. What they do is not yours to deal with. Whatever consequences come, or don't, are not your concern. Releasing the grudge, also,  does not deny your feelings, but it does start to mend them so that you don't suffer. Releasing the grudge does not change the injury, it changes you.

A grudge is like a wound and forgiveness is the balm that heals it. When the pain of an injury is too much to bear and forgiveness seems impossible, ask for help. Spirit's love will come when and where invited keeping the injury in the past and the love in the present.

The sound of a broken heart...

Can two people in a loving relationship be broken hearted? Of course. It happens everyday.

A relationship is a home for two people who love each other. In it they should find comfort, understanding, respect, honor, kindness, forgiveness, patience, love and freedom. What happens, though, is that the individual egos get in the way sabotaging the relationship. Instead of listening to each other, we judge what we are hearing, we become defensive, we think about what we want to say next, we think about something else completely or we don't listen at all. Listening involves more than attentively hearing what the other person may be saying, it involves listening to all of who our loved one is–with attention and silence, relinquishing our thoughts to truly understand. If we would listen wholly to each other, more relationships would survive and fewer hearts would be broken.

Ego gets in the way and we break each others' hearts. We don't see our loved one fairly and justly, we don't see their innocence, their vulnerability or their lovability. We want to be right, understood and validated. Yet we are not willing to offer the same. Instead of giving each other what we need, we seek to find what we want. We act out of fear that we will not be acknowledged, that we will not be right or that we will not be loved. We keep bringing up past hurts and future fears. We forget that the relationship belongs to both and that we both want to find home in each other.

To bring healing to the hearts in our relationships, let's listen, let's understand, let's comfort each other, let's not judge, let's give each other room to be...let's respect each others' thoughts and feelings. We love each other after all.

So what does a broken heart sound like? It is the deafening silence between the tears, the harsh tone of voice, the unwillingness to give up the argument, to say I'm sorry, to be love to one another.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

The price of fun

My eleven-year-old son is a healthy, joyful and fun-loving boy. I picked him up from school one day and instead of greeting me with his "Hi mama!", he just plopped down on the passenger seat of my car and pouted. "I have a bruise on my shin. I get hurt every day at the playground," he said. Oh boy. I smiled thinking, don't we all. That's the price of fun.

What my eleven-year-old doesn't know yet is that the playground is a dress rehearsal for grown-up life. We will get hurt. It's the price of life. Getting hurt is incidental to living. How we deal what hurts us is what makes the difference between a painful life and a thriving life. Resilience is key.

Many of us try to protect ourselves from the pains of life to the extent that life loses it's playfulness and amusement. We also scare others away. We put on arrogance, distrust, close-mindedness, defensiveness and fear before heading out into our playgrounds. We push people away, build gaps of doubt, stay in old thoughts, reject new ideas and miss the chance at enjoying life, enjoying others and enjoying life with others. Often, the way we survive is the very thing that takes the joy of life away from us.

Being overly protective does not guarantee that we will not be hurt, but it will keep us from being touched by love and experiencing life fully. Avoiding conflict and pain comes at the expense of relationship with others. Keeping ourselves guarded can swirl us into loneliness, anxiety and depression.

Today is a good day to let go of the attitudes that keep us from breathing life, loving, learning, giving of ourselves, playing and having fun. We will get hurt...that's the price of's the price of life, but the challenge today is to enjoy life and let others enjoy it with us.

Friday, January 4, 2013

The Sweet Spot

There's a place within us that holds the truth of who we are. It is a place where we can rest our spirits and be like children–free of worries and futile concerns. It is here that we don't expect from others what we can only get from ourselves, where we don't regret our learning experiences, where we are not embarrassed, where we are not fearful, where we are love. 

We come out of this place and life gets dicey and dangerous. We start going into the places of ego where we look for validation in others, to be right and to be accepted. The danger lies in our dependence of these outer affirmations for they are not constant, they are not always true and they depend on the fragile ego of others. We end up constantly searching for places where we can feel comfort and love.

The place where we find this comfort and love, this home, is a sweet spot. In this place, everything is colored with love. In it, we are already valuable, we are precious, we are exactly as we should be. This is the place where God lives within us. It is here that we find answers, guidance, peace and inspiration. In this sweet spot we find an infinite supply of support, love, wisdom, tranquility, joy and enthusiasm. It is here that we retreat to when we feel out of place in the world and where our sense of self and our worth cannot be changed by the opinions and approval of others. 

Today is a good day to live sweetly. Go find that joy, that strength and that inner knowing that you are important and invaluable and bring that to everything that you say, you think and you do today. Go to your sweet spot and start this day from within...

Thursday, January 3, 2013


I have spent this day. I spent it. I have hardly any more day left in it. It is almost gone and I can't remember much of it. I've been busy. I've accomplished much. Yet I can't remember the details of this first work day of the year and I sure can't remember enjoying any of it. That's a shame because I love my job, I love my work space, I love my life.

How did I spend this day and not know how? The answer is simple. I stayed one thought ahead. Instead of immersing myself in what I was working on in the moment, giving it my all and enjoying the creative aspects of my work, I kept thinking about the call I needed to make later, the work I am doing tomorrow morning, the pending meeting, what the weather will be on Friday and whether it will cooperate with my plans. Before I knew it, I had completed some of my work. I even skipped lunch. When I finally stopped to eat, I did the same thing. I ate with my thoughts on something else. I didn't savor my food. I feel a little out of sorts. I'm actually a bit cranky.

I am breaking for dinner, knowing that I have a bit more work to do tonight. I will, however, pause and actually enjoy cooking-grateful for the bounty, appreciating the sizzle of the peppers in the pan and the chill of the wine in my glass while I dance in the kitchen. I will sit with my son at the table and have conversation while looking into his big, beautiful brown eyes. I will relish each bite of my meal, present  for each texture and each flavor. After dinner, I will wash each dish noticing the temperature of the free-flowing water, the smell of the detergent and the sounds of this hour of the night.

Living the present moment is the only moment I know in which to be happy, to be thankful and to do anything. I forgot that today. As I go back to work tonight, I will be present for it as well. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Today is the only day I have.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Wide awake

I just woke up. It is my first morning, even if it is the afternoon, of this new year. I'm not feeling all that well. A few nights of not sleeping enough will do that to me.

I brushed my teeth and then brewed some coffee. Someone left me fresh bread from the bakery on the counter. I grabbed some of that and sat down to write. All on auto-pilot.

This is a shame. I am of this amazing race of beings purposely made to reason and meditate and I go about doing things automatically. As soon as I had this thought, my coffee tasted better. It was no longer my usual cup of coffee, it was a cup of blessing, a balsam for my sleepy body. The bread I found this morning was no longer just bread, it was a treat, a yummy surprise that I don't get that often. Who could love me so much as to wake up early and go to the bakery to buy me this delicious gift?

I am not alone. I know that. We humans go about doing things mechanically without thought to what we are doing, or to what we have, or who is around us, or what we can learn, or what we can do...we go about asleep.

Today is a good day to wake up and see–see the people around us, the good things around us, the opportunities around us, the love around us. Today is a good day to see more than the obvious. Wake up and be thankful, offer more of yourself and love others. Wake up and greet this new year alert and wide awake.

Wanting what you've got...

I was going to write about our concerns about money and where our money comes from, but I kept coming to the realization that it's not money that we worry about. We worry about scarcity, about not having enough.

I have come from having too much and not knowing it, to having almost nothing and not knowing it as well. When I had plenty, I kept striving to keep it and getting more. I kept working for a future benefit and to secure the lifestyle I grew used to. I kept spinning my wheels. None of the things I aimed for equalled happiness. Happiness was a choice I could have made at any moment, whether I had luxuries or not.

Today, after drastically, and voluntarily, changing my lifestyle, I hold on to a line from Sheryl Crow's Soak Up The Sun song that says: "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." This has changed my perspective and helped me to enjoy what I do have. I don't feel that I don't have as much. I feel that I don't need anything else. I choose to be happy right here, right now.

This is not conformity. This is trust. I trust that I am taken care of, that my needs are satisfied. I find something else as well. I find a sense of peace in this knowing that virtually eliminates all of my anxiety and fear. I have traded the constant striving for enjoyment.

The thoughts that help me live this state of satisfaction are thoughts of wanting to help others. If I want to be charitable, the Universe provides the means for me to do that. If I want to help the local economy, Spirit provides the opportunities as well. If I want to help my family, I see ways to contribute. This thinking shifts me from lack to abundance and helps me benefit others with my prosperity and my success.

Transform your thoughts from worrying about money to asking how you may help. Whatever you think of is echoed in the Universe. If you worry, the Universe will worry as well and ask more of you. If you ask how you may help, it will ask you the same and provide for you so that you may help.

I am soaking up the sun, so to speak. I have learned that abundance is not something I get, it is something I live.