Friday, August 26, 2016

Shiny red calipers

I drive a very impractical car. It seats only two people, it has a drawer for a trunk and every time I want to put something in the back from within the car, I smack my hand on the metal stabilizer bar that runs across behind the seats. I can't drive it over water to avoid chocking its air intake pipes. I end up taking two parking spots so that I have enough room to open its wide doors. Parallel parking? Forget it. I can parallel park like the best of them, but I will not risk scratching one of the rims–which is easy to do in my car because the rear tires are wider than the front ones. This also means that I can only rotate tires per axle. It runs on premium gas and it uses 6 quarts of synthetic oil. Impractical. It is a beauty to look at, a joy to drive and when there is enough road available, it is an antidepressant. But my car is no longer practical for me and my family.

Fortunately, he drives a four-door passenger car that makes sense. It is what we use on beach weekends, when grocery shopping and when doing anything as a family. It's nice, it's comfortable, and it makes running errands, going to school and driving across the island so much easier. Event though I can count on the sedan, I have decided I need a more sensible and practical ride. I want a small SUV with four doors, 18-inch wheels and good gas mileage. I decided this a long time ago, but it hasn't happened yet. I just figured out why.

I caught myself earlier today wondering how much it would cost me to have the calipers on my little silver beast painted 1975-911 Targa-red. And, suddenly, it hit me. I want an SUV, but I'm short-circuiting myself with dreams and plans for my current car. How can I make an SUV happen when I am fueling two opposing visions? And why am I doing this? Is it fear of driving a mommy-mobile, of not being able to outrace the bullies on the road, of giving up my comforting escape or part of my personality? Whatever the reasons, I have to identify them and work on them–those issues will not go away–and then get clear on what I want in order to make it happen.

What have we not accomplished yet? Why haven't we done so? On small and large scales–from finishing a book we are reading to opening up a shop, from do-it-yourself projects at home to fixing our credit, from clearing the clutter in spare rooms to going to therapy, from learning a new language to deepening our spirituality, or from taking ballroom dancing lessons to asking for forgiveness and healing a relationship–we must ask ourselves why we have not manifested our desires. We have to look within and acknowledge any self-created obstacles, then we have to get clear on what it is we want. What we say has to be congruent, consistent and aligned with what we do (even the daydreaming–especially the daydreaming). Mixed messages keep us confused and stuck. Today is a good day to make our intentions clear, focus on them and bring what we want into being.

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