Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Loving no...

I have a tendency to say yes to everything. Where there's a need, I want to meet it. If someone needs help, I will help. I've never perceived this as a problem. On the contrary, I see it as my purpose and as a way to thank the Universe for everything it has blessed me with. Yet, lately, I've noticed that I am off center. Something is not right. I am not connected as before.

Recently a good friend turned the tables on me. She is an extremely talented writer with many engagements. She writes, she lectures, she teaches and does much more. She gets many requests for help and she almost always says yes. It is taking a toll on her time and energy, on her ability to meet her commitments and her goals. As we talked about her situation, I explained to her that there is a way of helping others without losing herself in the process. This will depend on the circumstances and the people involved, but she need not be overwhelmed with self-imposed obligation.  There is a way of loving others and saying no. She kindly smiled and said you do the same thing with your friendship, you give it until you are drained. You just don't complain.


I see. I learned something during our conversation. When I say yes to some, I say no to others. I say no to new opportunities, to growth, to time for myself, to time for learning, to meditation for I stay in a spiral of problem-solving for others, of absorbing their energy, their negativity, their inability to rise to their potential. I have to start saying no–a loving no.

In my friend's case, a loving no means she helps others with her example of leadership and volunteer work and the literary world with her contribution. In my case a loving no means releasing those who drain my love and energy to find their way. It's loving them and saying no.

I have been disconnected, off-center, misaligned. It has nothing to do with me. I have been carrying the weight of others–their sadness, their frustration, their unawareness. I am not able to do anything with this. I am only able to overcome for myself, not others. While I carry this weight, I lose sight of my North and am not really able to be a good friend to them or to others. Loving no. A loving release.

Could you love and say no? Today is a good day to reprioritize and view your friendships and your commitments through the eyes of love. Maybe, the next time you have to answer a request, your answer will be a loving no...

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