The pace of sadness

We feel the way we feel. There is no right or wrong way to feel about anything or anyone. Feelings must be felt and they are all valid. Yet we insist on right and wrong feelings and on how long feelings should last, not only for ourselves, but for others.

I sat across my friend and mourned for her, with her. She is heartbroken, but she can't be. Everyone around her expects her to pull herself up by the bootstraps, smile and move on. People feel that she shouldn't feel the way she does about her loss. She said I'm sorry, as though her being sad was an imposition on me. Feel it, cry it, write it, walk it, sleep it, do whatever you need to do to grieve it, I told her. This is the only way she can start to overcome her sadness.

To get to healing, we must go through, not around, what we feel. In order for others to heal, they must do the same. Let us allow them to. Let's not rush the process, not for us and not for others.  This is not about succumbing to a depressed state, but about surmounting our pain. Today is a good day to let what we feel flow through us and out of us and to let others do the same...at their pace.