Thursday, February 28, 2013

Between the moon and the sun...

I snoozed my alarm a few times this morning. Five in the morning became six before I got out of bed. In the hour, I turned every nine minutes to snooze my alarm. I was in a dream-wake state, feeling and thinking, sleeping and waking. I felt a general happiness about me, but I had an urge to cry. When I finally woke up, the urge was still there, but I couldn't find a reason. Even my body felt different. It was heartbroken...with no apparent motive.

As I left the house, there was still a tender chill in the air and my body welcomed it as when fevered skin welcomes the comfort of a cold compress. I breathed deeply, closing my eyes for a moment, taking the air in. When I opened my eyes, the moon was before me in the sun's morning light. I left the house at the same time I leave the house each morning, yet, as I drove through the city, the sun was in my face, lower than usual, brighter than usual, blinding me.

I decided to drive by the ocean, in another direction, away from the sun. I stared at the beach for a few moments, watching the waves and feeling the warmth of the sun, no longer in my face, yet still there. And I thought of my feelings earlier today. I realized there are reasons for my tears.

The sun and the moon on the same morning sky, happiness and sadness in one heart. I have an  awareness that this is life. That tears and sadness are not in opposition to happiness. Unhappiness is something else. It's the absence of light, of the warmth of the sun, of any hope. I realize that just as I changed direction to avoid the brightness of the sun, we too change direction when something good happens to us. Yet even when we turn, the good is still there. It doesn't impose itself on us. It respectfully waits for our choosing.

And just as we can't force the wave to come, we can't keep it from coming at all. The Universe sustains us with returning love and wisdom. All we have to do is accept it.

The courage we should ask for today is the courage to receive all the good the Universe wants to provide us. The patience we should have today is the patience to let the wave come, not to rush to it or anticipate it. The mind we should have today is the mind of Spirit, accepting the wave of wisdom. The heart we should have today is the heart to feel what we can't see when we turn away.

No comments:

Post a Comment