My computer died. It's heart gave in. It has since been resuscitated. This is an amazing thing. What they have been able to do to bring it, and me, back to life. It is now working in perfect order. One of the remarkable things the technician did was preserve my photos, music, email, writings, manuscripts and art...all of which have random backups somewhere. (Don't worry. I have a nifty new system for moment by moment backups now.) My computer seems younger now because it was restored to an earlier version of herself. Oh boy. Old emails are now new. Entire episodes of my life are playing before my eyes. As I go through, I find old photos and messages that seem to belong to someone else, somewhere else, sometime else. I am deleting interchanges I had with people who are no longer in my life without reading them. Yet I catch a word, a sentiment, a feeling here and there. I would rather not do this. But resistance is futile. As Deepak Chopra affirms, what we resist, persists. So I give up my opposition and in doing so I can't help but appreciate a few awesome facts as a result of my trip down memory lane.
The first is that I have survived very painful experiences. Time and space was necessary for me to feel this way. I appreciate some of these experiences now, including the people in them. I am glad some of them are no longer part of my journey. They had their time and their place. In releasing them, I have made room in my heart for new experiences and new people.
I am grateful. I have learned that everything has a purpose. This is a cliché because it is true. I now understand a few things I didn't understand before–the apparent failures, the disappointments, the tough lessons, the people in my path. Everything and everyone was meant to be.
I have also learned to delete, much like an old email, everything and everyone that doesn't help me grow and move forward, that doesn't appreciate my love, that creates an obstacle, that zaps my energy.
The past is gone, but we have a habit of going back. If you must go back, do so with an open heart and mind. Discover your lessons and let go. That is all the past is good for now.
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