Pacemaker

My eyesight is not what it used to be. I am wearing bifocals now. I know. It feels odd to feel this young and wear bifocals. I only wear them to read and write. While I drive, I wear prescription sunglasses and, whereas before I didn't notice a difference if I didn't wear them, I now do. I can read signs better and see more detail in everything on the road. When I don't wear them, it takes me a minute to make out print, such as in bumper stickers. It happened the other day. I was behind an SUV at a red light when I read this on their back bumper: "I Love Being a Pacemaker". Yes! Me too. Only the bumper sticker said Peacemaker not Pacemaker. Ok. That's cool too, I thought. And although I do like being a peacemaker, I love the idea of setting the pace.

I catch myself sometimes reacting poorly to some situations. I rush, slow down and wait because others are asking me to, either directly or in the way the are going about. They rush, slow down and wait and I pick up their pace. It's madness. This translates into deciding what is important according to others. I hurry to accomplish things that are not on my list of priorities, put my dreams on hold and carry an anxiety that is not mine. That's until I decide to become a pacemaker. I then set my own pace. I fulfill what I commit to in a way that honors what I do, my purpose, my wishes, those I love and who I am. I set the pace for me, without agitation, confusion or anxiety. I suppose in being a pacemaker, I am also making peace.

I watched my son as he rolled his belt in order to put it away, as he calmly picked up his school uniform off the floor and put it in the hamper and then prepare his room serenely before going to bed. I realized that this is how he does everything. He is cool and collected when he does what he doesn't like to do as well as when he enjoys his favorite things. People who have met him do tell me often how peaceful they feel in his presence. This is what he gives off, gentleness, peace, respect for others' time and their priorities. He is never in a hurry, agitated or jumpy and does not make others feel that way. He sets a different pace. I hope to pick this up from him.

Today I calm down enough to know what I have to do and enjoy it.