Friday, March 3, 2017

I give up

I don't feel like writing. I don't feel like doing yoga. I don't feel like meditating. I don't feel like working. I don't feel like reading. I don't feel like socializing. I don't feel like doing anything, except for laying in bed with the curtains drawn closed and the world on mute. I'm sulking. I'm angry. My body is slightly trembling in reaction. My heart has been beating out of my chest for hours. I want to forget everything and just lay in bed.

This is an honest feeling. It is what it is. But it is not productive, I know. It's not healthy, either. Sulking in the dark will only help my rumination, fuel my anger, increase my blood pressure, intensify my negative feelings, and regress me in so many ways. This is a childish reaction. I still don't want to do anything, for me or for anybody else, so I will.

In spite of myself, I will finish my coffee and get ready. I will do it with intention and head out the door. It is an intention of surrender, for I don't want to feel this way. I hate it. I don't want to be angry  and resentful. But I don't feel strong enough to change these feelings, so I surrender them. I know that I have to show up even if I don't want to. So I let it go. I call on what I've learned. This is how we grow. Once we have an awareness, once we know better, we're called to act differently.

Today is a good day to act better in spite of ourselves. When we perceive someone has done us wrong, let us forgive in the moment. When something doesn't work out as planned, let's take a breath and regroup. This allows guidance in. When we become scattered, let's take a few moments to focus on our breath and gather ourselves, recenter. When we lose track and become distracted, let's take a moment to refocus on what matters to us, on what's important. When everything becomes too much, let's surrender. Let's bend our will and give up so that we may be lifted up.

LIGHT mandala by Elspeth McLean found on

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